Mommy Lesson 313: Say Ahhhhhh

20141027-104651.jpg

I am a nurse. I have no doubt that children who’s parents work in the medical field are different than children who’s parents do not. I even found proof in an articles that list 21 signs you were raised by a nurse; my children meet the majority of the criteria. They have toys like stethoscopes, empty syringes (with no needles), face masks, gloves, tongue depressors, and other nurse paraphernalia. My children have been taught appropriate terminology for specific body parts (I’m sorry in advance if they share this information with your child). My daughter uses terms and phrases such as, “I’ve been injured”, “should we amputate”, and “I think I’ll survive”.

As a mom who is also a nurse, I have an adequately stocked medicine cabinet. It is clearly labeled with a bin specifically for children and a bin for adults. I have a drawer for medicine administration complete with syringes and medicine cups. Need a pill crusher? I’ve got one of those too. I have a lovely little canvas organizer labeled “emergencies” complete with rubbing alcohol, gauze, bandages, antibiotic ointment and the like. On the top shelf is a set of sheets for the kids bed and an ice bucket which traveled home with us from a hotel room the weekend my husband and I went away for our anniversary and he spent most of it puking his guts up. It is labeled, emesis.

 

My daughter takes after her mother, she loves go take care of things. She can often be found with a menagerie of stuffed animals making them feel better. She can perform a full head to toe assessment in ten seconds flat and can diagnose and prescribe treatment within the next minute. When she grows tired of the stuffed animals, or feels the need for a challenge she will frequently turn her attention to the dog. If she is satisfied that all of her toys and pets have been adequately cared for and still has a hankerin’ to provide some medical attention, she will approach myself or her daddy.

Today provided her with with a relatively low patient census, so she offered me her services and medical expertise. I sat in the living room folding matching socks when she approached with a concerned look on her face.

“Oh mommy, you don’t look so good, I think you need a checkup”.

“Oh, wow, thanks honey, that was sweet” I said with a slight sarcastic undertone. I sat patiently while she listened to my heart beat, checked my eyes and ears. She felt my forehead with the back of her hand and then cheek to rule out a raging fever.

“Say Ahhhhhhh” she demanded, I complied, and she peered inside with a furrowed brow. “I’m going to have to take your temperature” before I could refuse she expertly crammed a purple painted Popsicle stick into my mouth.

She yanked the soggy stick out and glanced at it. She dismissively waved her hand at me, “You’re fine mommy”, I was clear to proceed about my business. She gathered her supplies and spied the dog. I turned my attention back to the socks only half listening to her chatter. The dog had already had multiple assessment throughout the day, and although she appeared to be pouting, she sat patiently, waiting for her clean bill of health.

I glanced up when I heard a disgruntled snort escape from the snobby shitzu and found Dr. A with a very familiar purple Popsicle stick pressed against the cranky canines butt. I stared at her with a combination of shock and horror flitting through my brain.

“Ummm, peanut, whatchya doin?” I squeaked. “Im checking Mya’s temperature, but don’t worry, I’m only putting it on her butt, not in it like you have to do with brother.”

Please please PLEASE don’t answer the next question with yes, I thought to myself. “Oh, well, okay, uuuhhh, this is the first time you have checked her temperature right? I mean you didn’t check it before you checked mommy’s temperature?”

“Well yea, she had a fever earlier when I checked it, so I wanted to recheck it. I also had to use it to look in her mouth.” She stared at me, gauging my reaction.

“Uhoh, mommy, do you need the emesis bucket?” She came over to pat my shoulder.

“No honey, mommy is just going go brush her teeth…..for an hour…..or six…possibly with bleach…”

20141027-104711.jpg

Follow Hand Me Downs via

Facebook or Twitter

 

Mommy Lesson 578:Dirty Little Secret

I have seen a variety of websites that allow people to post their biggest secrets anonymously. You go, post your secret for all the world to see, and no one knows it’s you! Sometimes it feels good to get something off your chest. The bigger the secret, the better it feels.

But, if no one knows that it’s your secret, then it’s still really a secret. If you’re going to share it then you should own it. It is after all, YOUR secret. So here goes….

Dear World,

I have a confession to make. It may horrify some and embarrass others but I have to get it out…

I don’t clean my bathtub. As a matter of fact, I haven’t cleaned my bathtub in over four years! Phew I feel so much better. Now before you go all Hallie Hygiene on me, you need to understand something. I don’t do it, because I hate it. There is NO comfortable way to clean your bathtub, you can’t crouch, you can’t kneel. If you just bend down to scrub it, by the time you’re done, you back is destroyed. It’s absolutely no fun. The other reason I don’t clean my bathtub? I just don’t want to. You know, it’s really not that bad though! Seriously, look at it…

20140923-015953.jpg
Cleanest bathtub around

Wow! You say, how is it that my bathtub can be SO clean without me ever cleaning it? Let me tell you my other dirty little secret. I make my kids do it! They’re two and four, absolutely old enough to get into the bathtub and scrub it for me. Why not? I feed them, clothe them, bathe them in their clean bathtub, they should give back to the family. Don’t believe me?

20140923-020257.jpg
My little helpers

I know what you’re thinking; “how could she have so much hatred for cleaning the bathtub that she makes her itty bitty kiddies do it” and “how can I make my kids do this”. In all honesty, they beg me to let them do it. Because for our family, “cleaning” the bathtub is really just a benefit that I reap for letting my children play with homemade bathtub paints! At least once a week I whip up a batch of bathtub paints and let my kids go wild, smearing it all over the bathtub, creating, playing and enjoying. When they’re finished all it takes is a quick spray with the shower and the bathtub and little Picasso’s are squeaky clean.

I have included for you the two recipes that we like to use. It takes less than 5 minutes to whip up a batch of this colorful fun and roughly that to wash it all down the drain when their done. What if you don’t have children, you ask? Well, just borrow some, they’ll have so much fun they will come back begging to clean your bathtub for you!

20140923-021806.jpg
Ingredients for bathtub paint

Bathtub Paint 1:
4:1 ratio of tear free baby shampoo to corn starch
(If you use 1 cup of baby shampoo, you would use 1/4 cup corn starch)
Food coloring
Mix shampoo, corn starch and food coloring together
Add water to achieve the consistency you like
Have fun

Bathtub Paint 2:
Shaving cream
Food coloring
Mix shaving cream with food coloring (may thin with water, if you want)
Have fun

20140923-022557.jpg
Shaving cream bathtub paint

Follow Hand Me Downs via

Facebook or Twitter