Mommy Lesson 700: Nothing to Lose Your Head Over

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I want to first start off by issuing an apology. This apology is to my daughter. Mommy is very, VERY sorry that you were unfortunate enough to bear witness to the events that unfolded this evening. I am certain that the shocking and unsettling incident that occurred will leave you slightly jaded. You may never look at mommy the same, or your Dollie for that matter. I hope that you can forgive me and maybe even forget my unfortunate mistake.

After enjoying a nice family dinner and playing at the play place in our local mall we arrived home just in time for pajamas and bedtime. While picking out her jammies Abi asked if we could change her special Christmas dolly out of her church clothes and into her pajamas too. I said sure and she proceeded to pick out a pair of pajamas for herself and her doll. She then sat down in the floor to change her dolly’s clothes. Peanut expertly removed the shoes and the jacket but struggled with the dress.

She looked to Super Mom for some help and I willingly obliged. I sat cross legged on the floor, the doll standing straight up with her arms up over her head. I nimbly pulled the dress up and over the top, in much the same fashion you would your own child. Things were going great until the dress became stuck around the dolls head. Now, typically when clothing becomes entangled around your child’s head you just tug a little harder. If that doesn’t work, you typically feel for a button or snap that you may have forgotten. If not button or snap is present you just pull really, really hard and eventually the child will be wrenched free of the offending outfit. This doesn’t work for dollies.

Want to know why? Because THEIR HEADS COME OFF! I tugged and pulled and felt the clothes suddenly give and come free of my daughters VERY special Dolly. I was grinning ear to ear until I heard my daughters surprised and terrified gasp. I followed her open mouthed stare to the the neck of the dolly. Smile gone, proud moment over, childhood ruined.

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Abi open and closed her mouth rapidly, rather fish like, gasping for air, unable to say anything. I frantically pulled the decapitated dolly head from the Chinese trap of a dress, and worked desperately to stick it back on. “Ha, oh dear, you know Peanut, um sometimes these things happen. But it’s REALLY easy to fix”. She sat and watched stunned as I attempted to cram dolls head onto dolls body. “She. Doesn’t. Have. A. Head.” I frowned, I mean the darn thing came off so easily, it should back on just as easily, right?

I crammed and twisted for what felt like hours, but I’m sure it was only seconds and finally with a satisfactory click the head snapped back on. I held her up triumphantly and realized that she was looking at me from her backside. “Oh!” I yelped, and quickly spun her head around to the front. I peeked at Abi and found her still sitting there, mouth stuck open. “Hey! Look, there, all better. Mommy fixed her! Yay mommy!” Abi narrowed her eyes at me and snatched her precious Dollie from the dangerous grasp of the beheadding mommy “You. Pulled. Her. Head. Off.”

My attempts at an apology fell upon deaf ears as she set about checking her doll out to insure that I hadn’t detached any other parts. She verified that both arms and legs were still attached before sending me a seething glance and placing her dolly safely in its sleeping bag. She smoothed her hair out and gave her a kiss and placed her gently beside her bed on the floor. Without a word, she looked at me with disappointment, and silently left the room shaking her head. She turned right at the door, sighed and said, “I don’t think that you should play with dolly again”.

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Mommy Lesson 578:Dirty Little Secret

I have seen a variety of websites that allow people to post their biggest secrets anonymously. You go, post your secret for all the world to see, and no one knows it’s you! Sometimes it feels good to get something off your chest. The bigger the secret, the better it feels.

But, if no one knows that it’s your secret, then it’s still really a secret. If you’re going to share it then you should own it. It is after all, YOUR secret. So here goes….

Dear World,

I have a confession to make. It may horrify some and embarrass others but I have to get it out…

I don’t clean my bathtub. As a matter of fact, I haven’t cleaned my bathtub in over four years! Phew I feel so much better. Now before you go all Hallie Hygiene on me, you need to understand something. I don’t do it, because I hate it. There is NO comfortable way to clean your bathtub, you can’t crouch, you can’t kneel. If you just bend down to scrub it, by the time you’re done, you back is destroyed. It’s absolutely no fun. The other reason I don’t clean my bathtub? I just don’t want to. You know, it’s really not that bad though! Seriously, look at it…

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Cleanest bathtub around

Wow! You say, how is it that my bathtub can be SO clean without me ever cleaning it? Let me tell you my other dirty little secret. I make my kids do it! They’re two and four, absolutely old enough to get into the bathtub and scrub it for me. Why not? I feed them, clothe them, bathe them in their clean bathtub, they should give back to the family. Don’t believe me?

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My little helpers

I know what you’re thinking; “how could she have so much hatred for cleaning the bathtub that she makes her itty bitty kiddies do it” and “how can I make my kids do this”. In all honesty, they beg me to let them do it. Because for our family, “cleaning” the bathtub is really just a benefit that I reap for letting my children play with homemade bathtub paints! At least once a week I whip up a batch of bathtub paints and let my kids go wild, smearing it all over the bathtub, creating, playing and enjoying. When they’re finished all it takes is a quick spray with the shower and the bathtub and little Picasso’s are squeaky clean.

I have included for you the two recipes that we like to use. It takes less than 5 minutes to whip up a batch of this colorful fun and roughly that to wash it all down the drain when their done. What if you don’t have children, you ask? Well, just borrow some, they’ll have so much fun they will come back begging to clean your bathtub for you!

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Ingredients for bathtub paint

Bathtub Paint 1:
4:1 ratio of tear free baby shampoo to corn starch
(If you use 1 cup of baby shampoo, you would use 1/4 cup corn starch)
Food coloring
Mix shampoo, corn starch and food coloring together
Add water to achieve the consistency you like
Have fun

Bathtub Paint 2:
Shaving cream
Food coloring
Mix shaving cream with food coloring (may thin with water, if you want)
Have fun

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Shaving cream bathtub paint

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