Mommy Lessons · Uncategorized

Mommy Lesson 357: Square Hole, Round Dog

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According to the Humane Society website there are just over 78 million dogs as pets in the United States. 38 percent of American households own at least one dog. The two dogs that we have put us into the 28 percent that own two dogs. Kia, is an epileptic beagle, and Mya is snobby and chronically miserable, but they are just as important to us as any other member of the family.

I personally feel that pets are a terrific tool for teaching responsibility, gentleness, and can be a great motivating force. Sister helps to fill the dog bowls and feed the “puppies”. She enjoys walking Mya and asks frequently to take them. All in all, I would say, she “loves” her dogs. However, love can be a dangerous thing. On more than one occasion I have had to rescue one or both of the dogs from the shenanigans of Sister and today proved to no different.

Upon returning to the house from a leisurely walk with the dogs and two kids, I set about unloading the dishwasher. Sister grabbed a couple of plastic spoons and went off to “cook” dinner on her play kitchen in her room. I turned the dishwasher on and set about tidying up the living room. I took some toys to Sister’s room, grabbed a “bite” of dinner and almost broke my neck tripping over the dog passed out in the hallway. I rubbed my shin and glared at her, the thought that she had strategically placed herself in my path as payback for letting Sister drag her around by her leash, flitted through my brain.

I threw in a load of clothes and sat down in front of Brother’s bouncy seat for a little play time. In the midst of a full blown belly laugh I could hear a faint, but repetitive banging. I headed to the laundry room to check that the washer wasn’t out of balance and was surprised to find that wasn’t the source of the noise. I rounded corner to Sister’s room and noticed the dog had vacated the premises and the door was shut. The banging got louder as I got closer. I reached for the door handle and heard My daughter grunt and say, “If you’d just stop resisting….” (This is something I have said on numerous occasions to her and her brother in the midst of a diaper struggle or clothes tussle.)

I swung open the door and both my daughter and the dog froze in surprise. Chef Sister was attempting to cram 30 pounds of wiggling, flailing, beagle into a 6 centimeter square that made up her “oven”. She looked up at me with innocent eyes and grinned.

“Um, Peanut, why are you shoving Kia into the oven” Kia wagged her tail at the voice of her savior. Sister, still gripping the dogs hindquarters, sighed and responded in an exasperated tone, “I want hot dogs”.

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Upon those words Kia began to struggle again, possibly fearing for her life or more than likely the teeny tiny box encasing her head was running out of oxygen. I am not sure if the dog’s head became swollen while entrapped, if Sister used much more force than humanly possibly, or if the oven doubled as a Chinese dog trap, but all the epileptic beagle was able to do was drag the kitchen away from the wall.

The sudden and abrupt jerking of the kitchen propelled all of the items off and onto the floor causing an incredible crash, an angry shout of “my dinner” from The Chef and an increase in spastic thrashing from “dinner”. Fearing for all involved, I knelt over the dog trapping her between my knees, leaned into the kitchen, grasped the collar and jerked with all my might. The dog and I tumbled backwards pulling the plastic cookery down on top of us.

Now free, the “entree” bolted out of the room to seek refuge under the bed. I helped Abi clean up the room and explained to her that hot dogs were not really made from dogs, and that we don’t put our pets, friends and, just for good measure, brothers in the oven. She nodded in understanding and as we left her room said she was hungry. I saw Kia emerging from her hiding spot as I asked her what she wanted, “hot dogs” she replied. One glance towards Kia’s frantically retreating backside let me know that she was not in the mood for hotdogs.

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Mommy Lessons · Tutorial · Uncategorized

Operation Save the Dream Lite

Siri, please define Poop-tastrophy

This is a surprise event that typically occurs within the confines of your child’s crib, car seat, or whatever other location said child happens to be in at the moment of occurrence. This is most often associated with detailed fingerprinting murals with a substance that resembles chocolate, I assure you that this is not indeed chocolate, please refrain from testing my knowledge. Most often there is a gag inducing smell involved.

Interventions should include donning a hazourdous waste material suit. Proceed to remove said child from the event location and wash thoroughly. Feel free to vomit as needed, but remove hazmat mask first. After said child is scrubbed free of debris you may turn your attention to the event site. This is best dealt with by retrieving offended items with kitchen tongs (to be thrown away after) and placing them gently in a garbage bag never to be seen again.

Practices to prevent poop-tastrophy from reoccurring: NEVER put said child to bed in two piece Jammie’s again.

Scout didn't survive :-( NO amount of "gentle scrubbing by hand" was gonna save him...
Scout didn’t survive ūüė¶ NO amount of “gentle scrubbing by hand” was gonna save him…

So after finding my sweet cherub cheeked nudist playing in his poo, I freaked out.  I had to scrub every inch of his crib, and inspect each and every toy that he may have included in his excrement excitement.  I will admit that several toys did go straight into the garbage can, including his favorite buddy Scout  (He was quickly replaced by one of his loving grandmas).

Scout was not the only participant in the poo party, little man had also included his second favorite toy, his Dream Light. ¬†This is a lovely pillow type stuffed animal with an electronic battery operated light that glows in the middle of it. ¬† There is also a little tag that says HAND WASH ONLY in menacing letters. ¬†Great for bedtime snuggles, nightmare for mommy to clean. ¬†Yet I was determined. ¬†What’s a determined mommy to do when she has no idea how to do it? ¬†Grab a screw driver a hammer and have at it!

Cue mission impossible music 

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You will need a screw driver, but you won’t need a hammer, unless you get frustrated……

Steps 1 and 2
Steps 1 and 2

1. Pop dream lite top off. Difficulty rating 1 out of 10, unless being helped by a know it all four year old
2. Unscrew screws, there are 8 of them. Place these in a secure location. Do not, I repeat, do NOT let four year old hold screws no matter how much she begs. Or you will spend the next 20 minutes on your hands and knees.

3. The top frame pops off the bottom frame. ¬†Gently tug the two tabs inside to release it. ¬†If gently tugging doesn’t work, feel free to take it pent up aggression and rip the sucker off. ¬†I cant guarantee success if that route is chosen. ¬†Once it’s free, flip him on over.

Step 4 and 5
Step 4 and 5

4. Unscrew screws, there are 6 of them.  The four year old has probably disappeared and been replaced by little brother.  Do not offer screws to him to hold or you will be waiting a loooong time for them to reappear.

5.  Pull light box out!  Pat yourself on the back, do a happy dance, eat a cookie or 6, however you want to celebrate the completion of a successful mission!

Follow the steps backwards after washing and drying to put him back together again? It is VERY important to make sure the fabric is caught between the top and bottom frame. ¬†Here’s you a photo of the easiest way to do it.

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Mommy Lessons · Uncategorized

Mommy Lesson 313: Say Ahhhhhh

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I am a nurse. I have no doubt that children who’s parents work in the medical field are different than children who’s parents do not. I even found proof in an articles that list 21 signs you were raised by a nurse; my children meet the majority of the criteria. They have toys like stethoscopes, empty syringes (with no needles), face masks, gloves, tongue depressors, and other nurse paraphernalia. My children have been taught appropriate terminology for specific body parts (I’m sorry in advance if they share this information with your child). My daughter uses terms and phrases such as, “I’ve been injured”, “should we amputate”, and “I think I’ll survive”.

As a mom who is also a nurse, I have an adequately stocked medicine cabinet. It is clearly labeled with a bin specifically for children and a bin for adults. I have a drawer for medicine administration complete with syringes and medicine cups. Need a pill crusher? I’ve got one of those too. I have a lovely little canvas organizer labeled “emergencies” complete with rubbing alcohol, gauze, bandages, antibiotic ointment and the like. On the top shelf is a set of sheets for the kids bed and an ice bucket which traveled home with us from a hotel room the weekend my husband and I went away for our anniversary and he spent most of it puking his guts up. It is labeled, emesis.

 

My daughter takes after her mother, she loves go take care of things. She can often be found with a menagerie of stuffed animals making them feel better. She can perform a full head to toe assessment in ten seconds flat and can diagnose and prescribe treatment within the next minute. When she grows tired of the stuffed animals, or feels the need for a challenge she will frequently turn her attention to the dog. If she is satisfied that all of her toys and pets have been adequately cared for and still has a hankerin’ to provide some medical attention, she will approach myself or her daddy.

Today provided her with with a relatively low patient census, so she offered me her services and medical expertise. I sat in the living room folding matching socks when she approached with a concerned look on her face.

“Oh mommy, you don’t look so good, I think you need a checkup”.

“Oh, wow, thanks honey, that was sweet” I said with a slight sarcastic undertone. I sat patiently while she listened to my heart beat, checked my eyes and ears. She felt my forehead with the back of her hand and then cheek to rule out a raging fever.

“Say Ahhhhhhh” she demanded, I complied, and she peered inside with a furrowed brow. “I’m going to have to take your temperature” before I could refuse she expertly crammed a purple painted Popsicle stick into my mouth.

She yanked the soggy stick out and glanced at it. She dismissively waved her hand at me, “You’re fine mommy”, I was clear to proceed about my business. She gathered her supplies and spied the dog. I turned my attention back to the socks only half listening to her chatter. The dog had already had multiple assessment throughout the day, and although she appeared to be pouting, she sat patiently, waiting for her clean bill of health.

I glanced up when I heard a disgruntled snort escape from the snobby shitzu and found Dr. A with a very familiar purple Popsicle stick pressed against the cranky canines butt. I stared at her with a combination of shock and horror flitting through my brain.

“Ummm, peanut, whatchya doin?” I squeaked. “Im checking Mya’s temperature, but don’t worry, I’m only putting it on her butt, not in it like you have to do with brother.”

Please please PLEASE don’t answer the next question with yes, I thought to myself. “Oh, well, okay, uuuhhh, this is the first time you have checked her temperature right? I mean you didn’t check it before you checked mommy’s temperature?”

“Well yea, she had a fever earlier when I checked it, so I wanted to recheck it. I also had to use it to look in her mouth.” She stared at me, gauging my reaction.

“Uhoh, mommy, do you need the emesis bucket?” She came over to pat my shoulder.

“No honey, mommy is just going go brush her teeth…..for an hour…..or six…possibly with bleach…”

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Mommy Lesson 600: Peetunias

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The typical infant can use up to 2,500 diapers in one year. That number will continue to decrease as baby grows into a toddler. Not soon enough for some of us. While potty training can be stressful for both parent and child, it brings with it a sense of pride, success and a variety of messy and embarrassing experiences. I have learned to take a “poop happens” approach, which means; poop will probably happen on the floor, in the car or the neighbors yard. There isn’t much you can do about it, except walk around following your potty training toddler with puppy pads, or a bucket, and then blog about mishaps later….

After an extended car ride to visit a friend in the hospital, Peanut was complaining about needing to go potty. We pulled into the parking lot and I assured her that once we got inside the building she could go potty. I proceeded to gather up brother, all necessary items and cram them into the stroller. This took much longer than usual, since Peanut was doing the peepee dance in the parking lot and I had to stop and pull up her pants and panties twice, explaining that we don’t just drop trow wherever we please.

With both kids fully clothed and in the stroller I rushed to the building. Daughter immediately jumped from the stroller and pointed at the big potted plant in the corner of the foyer and asked what that was. I hastily and distractedly whispered the answer to her and turned to the receptionist to ask for directions. Before she could complete the instructions she gasped and looked down to my left side. Thinking there might be a serious situation I turned immediately ready to assist where needed. I was alarmed to see my daughter with Minnie Mouse panties down around her sandals sitting in the potted plant relieving herself.

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The thoughts rushed through my head. How exactly do I handle this? If I get her out of the floral arrangement she will undoubtedly peepee on the floor. But, I can’t really leave her there can I? Oh, my, gosh! What if she’s doing more than number 1? Is her face turning red, I can’t tell if she is smiling or pooping!

I rushed over, hoping to safe the lovely soiled flowers, and scooped her out of the “pottied” plant. I dusted her itty bitty butt off , thinking about what I was supposed to do and glancing frantically for a bucket to scoop the peepeed potting soil into. I adjusted her shorts and opened my mouth. (Let me explain to you, I’m not super great in situations like this. More often than not, what comes out of my mouth is just as much of a surprise to me as those whom I’m saying it too. Often when faced with with uncomfortable situation, I attempt to find the silver lining.)

“I am so very sorry, I ummm, well, ummm, hey, you know at least you don’t have to water it now” I babbled. The grim set line on the now less than helpful lady’s face was all I needed to know that she was less than thrilled with our plant care procedures. She hastily waved me away when I offered to help clean up, probably fearful that my daughter might get the urge to find another “pot”. As we quickly walked down the hall, Abi looked up at me, unconcerned and said, “Hey mommy, those flowers smelled really good, we should put some on our potty.”

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Mommy Lesson 821: Mom-cation

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Whether you’re a stay at home mom or a working mom there will come a moment where you may find yourself feeling slightly overwhelmed. There may be a mild sense of “mommy needs a break” beginning to creep in and you know that it is possible for it to turn into a full on Mommy Hulk attack. It could be related to the ever growing pile of laundry, the dishes that are evidently reproducing in the kitchen sink, or the childless neighbors that feel sleep is overrated and must impose their views on everyone within a ten mile radius.

You may walk through the house, with your name being called over and over;
Mommy watch this, look over here, turn this way, mommy see what I can do, mommy what’s for lunch, for dinner, for snack, what’s to eat for the next year? Mommy did you know if I shake my head from side to side like this really fast the whole room spins?

If you squint just right you imagine that this is how celebrities must feel when the paparazzi is around, eagerly calling their name, clamoring to get their photo. That is if they were wearing clothes that may or may not have baby excretions on it and if the photographers resemble Oompa Loompas. The visions of glamor and paparazzi subside as you expertly duck and dodge flying objects, which are aimed with surprising accuracy at your head. You unclench little fists that seem to be multiplying and attaching themselves with a vice like quality. If you have ever been attacked by an angry octopus, you can relate.

You may be struggling to detach the child who has apparently superglued themselves to your leg, when you realize that the original mild feeling of “mommy needs a break” has turned into a “mommy needs a break right freaking NOW” feeling. This feeling is slightly more intense than the previous feeling, coupled with a desire to laugh out loud like a hysterical loon.

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First of all, take a deep breath, it totally okay to not love every single minute of being mommy. Keeping people alive is hard work, and you do a great job at it! Stay at home moms and working moms, hear me when I say: It’s totally okay to give yourself a break, and NOT feel guilty.

Second, we can’t all be amazing Pinterest mamas every single minute of every day. I have heard many times, “I just don’t know how you have time to do all those activities with your kids”. Let me tell you my secret, I don’t, I make time by not showering, doing laundry or washing dishes! (Not every day mind you, but we all have to make SOME sacrifices…)

Finally, I would like to share with you a little known secret call the Mom-cation. This is in no way like a vacation, it only sounds like it. It is however, a nice way to secure a quick break for yourself and ensure that everyone is alive when you return feeling refreshed and revitalized. Your Mom-cation can take place anywhere you would like it to and can be customized to fit your specific needs at that specific moment. I would love to share with you five of my favorite Mom-cation destinations:

The Mail Box:

You can take a nice little walk out to your mailbox or even your neighbors mailbox. It doesn’t matter if you’ve checked the mail sixteen times already and you know the postman has already been by, just take saunter on out there anyway. A little hope never hurt anyone! While you’re out there you could pull up a curb seat and get some fresh air. This Mom-cation will be over when you choose to return to the house or your children escape, typically naked, and run around the yard screaming.

The Bathroom:

It’s only gross if you haven’t cleaned it. This one may take a little more planning, if you only have one bathroom, you will need to ensure that all the little people have been adequately pottied. When you have insured that all bladders and bowels are emptied, grab your favorite snack, and casually say “I’m going to the bathroom”. This is actually quite pleasant if you have invested in a deliciously comfy rug! Kick back, enjoy your snack, and peruse Pinterest. You will know that this Mom-cation is over when your children gather outside the door like zombies and begin poking their fingers under the door.

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The Store:

Like the previous Mom-cation, this one may require a bit more preparation. The next time you are at the store, pick up extras of the families most used non-perishable item. You can place them in a secured location in your vehicle or at a trusted friends house. This is best enacted when there is a trusted individual in the household to maintain live-ability of the children. This Mom-cation begins when you sadly look through the cabinet and announce that you have to go to the store, during the busiest time of the day. Leave the house, head to the nearest wifi hotspot and catch up on your latest show. You should probably limit this to a single episode before returning triumphantly with your pre-purchased loot.

The Errands

This one begins when your children have been left in the arms of a trusted care giver and you leave the house in your car. This Mom-cation can prove quite productive if you truly choose to tick items off of your list. The choices are limitless while you “Run Errands”. Go to your favorite restaurant and select a table for you and your best book, meet up with another mom on mom-cation or you can bring along a pillow and blanket and pull over for a nap! I personally love naps and am quite a talented sleeper.

The Dog Walk:

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This is a bonus mom-cation for those of us brave enough to take on a family member of the four legged variety. While you are capable of walking a cat, lizard or gerbil, this best performed with a canine. The logistics are quite simple, with the children adequately supervised, you place your pet on their leash and proceed to walk them. If you have a snobby and moderately lazy dog like mine, you may want to avoid eye contact as you drag their stubborn butts down the sidewalk. This mom-cation gives you an opportunity to bond with your pet, I’ve heard gerbils are quite social, and soak up some Vitamin D. If you have a friend in the neighborhood, there is the option of stopping by there. If given enough notice I’m sure they will provide you with fresh baked cookies.

I want you to know that I adore my children, and I’m certain that you do to! However, I also need you to know that it’s okay to take a break every now and then. It’s important and even healthy to find time for YOU and not beat yourself up about it. Moms cannot continue taking care of everyone else, if they don’t take time to care for themselves too! It is beneficial for our children to see us taking care of ourselves. Understand, please, that I am not encouraging you to abandon your children or responsibilities. I am suggesting that you take some “me” time to decompress and appreciate yourself every so often, because you’re pretty amazing and you deserve it! Whether you choose to take one of my suggested Mom-cations or make up your own, give yourself a little break, and enjoy it!

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Mommy Lesson 612: Anatomically Correct

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The smallest functioning unit in the human body is the cell. Every human body is made up of millions and millions of cells. Cells group together and form tissues, tissues form organs, organs form systems and the systems make up our bodies. While our makeup may be the same, the words we use to describe certain body parts may be quite different. For example a head could be known as a noggin, dome, hat rack, cranium or even melon.

There is no end to the alternate words that can used to describe our pieces and parts. Some are familiar; tummy, piggies, booty or peepers, while some are a little off the wall; pot, boats, meat hooks or noodle. My husband and I often use a variety of these words when discussing body parts with our little ones, but the one area that we have held firm to anatomical correctness is the penis. The nurse in me cannot bring myself to call it a peepee, wiener, weewee or Mr.Winkie.

When we brought our son home and bathed him for the first time, our very observant two year old pointed to, attempted to pull on, and asked “what’s that?”

“That is your brothers penis, boys have them, and we don’t pull on it” was my succinct response. As our son has grown, like most boys, he has developed an uncanny awareness and coordination related to his private parts. Within seconds of his diaper being removed, his little hands immediately travel south to reassure himself that his penis is indeed still there. When getting ready for the bath, a quick glance is not sufficient to provide reassurance, and a tug is seemingly necessary. On any given day the words “don’t pull on your penis” can be heard at least ten times around our house. Using correct terminology has its pros and cons, sometimes the cons can lead to a significant amount of embarrassment.

A few days ago we were standing in the checkout line at our local Walmart, the children were behaving and i was beaming with pride that we had made it through the store without incident. I efficiently sorted my items and placed them on the belt, frequently glancing at the kiddos, insuring they were still behaving like angels. I pulled my last two items out of the cart; Gabe was gleefully kicking his feet and Abi was thoughtfully staring off behind us. My attention was on the cashier, but I saw Abi tilt her head slightly out of the corner of my eye (this has become a common sign that unexpected is about to come of of her mouth). I turned in just enough time to hear her very matter of factly say,

“Mommy says we don’t pull on our penis”. I met the eyes of a gentleman who had just been caught mid-adjustment by my hyper observant preschooler.

With my face a flattering color of crimson, I attempted to organize my thoughts and explain;

“Um, so, um, well you see her brother is a boy, (obviously) and well like most guys he’s kind of enamored with his penis (they are right?) so we just remind him to, um, well, you know, not yank on it….”
He stared silently, mouth open, face the same color as the tomatoes I just purchased, with his wife laughing hysterically behind him. I paid and practically ran out of the store pulling Abi behind me.

I quickly explained to Abi, that while we tell brother not to do it, we shouldn’t really tell other people not to do it, because a penis is a private thing. Her response “well noses aren’t private, can I tell people we don’t pick them?”

Absolutely daughter, you go right on ahead and explain to the next person we see knuckle deep in their nostril that it is entirely inappropriate, mommy will just die of embarrassment.

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Mommy Lesson 598: Oh, Expletive

20140925-030531.jpg You can ban television, monitor the radio, even place ear muffs on your little mini me in hopes of shielding them from naughty words. However, despite all your best efforts, your child will, at some point encounter a word that is unsavory. It could be words of the four letter variety, their slang terms, or even “not nice words”, like stupid. Whatever the word may be, they will at some point, hear it and repeat it, often at the most inopportune of moments. How you react to hearing your little sweetie say such an ugly word, can either encourage or deter your child from repeating such words. Abi and Gabe were “chatting” to one another during the drive to church on Sunday morning. With them content, I decided to take some time to call my mother. After some casual conversation, I asked how my stepdad was feeling. He had recently had surgery to remove several large kidney stones and was still having some issues. I listened to her concerns and offered my encouragement and opinion, all the while keeping one ear on the children. What was coming out of my daughters mouth made me almost drive off the road. image Before I could stop myself I yelled out, “Oh my gosh, Abigail, where did you hear those words?!” My mom began questioning me as to exactly what words she was saying and I questioned her if she had been cursing around my children. I quickly explained that my sweet little three year old was PROUDLY dropping “F” bombs and immediately following it with a swear word describing dung. Incredibly concerned, and only five minutes away from church, I hung up the phone and turned my attention to the cowering potty mouth in the backseat. Determined to find out who had filled my daughter vocabulary bucket with filth, I changed tactics. “Okay, peanut, let’s play a fun game! Mommy is going to ask you questions and you can say yes or no until mommy gets it right.” She excitedly sat up in her seat. I thought I’d begin with the most unlikely suspects first. A quick nope from Abi ruled out daddy, both sets of grandparents, Mickey Mouse and the dog. Still trending on the easy and, somewhat silly side, I asked, “Does mommy say those words?” image “Yes!” She shouted from her car seat, I almost drove off the road again. Confused and horrified I glanced at my daughter¬†. Those of you who know my family would also know that those words are not used or accepted in our house. The fact that my three year old was blaming ME for the filth was downright alarming and had me almost in hysterics. I turned to look at her, “Um, okay, little one, why don’t you tell mommy when I used those words. Please say them slowly”. She wrinkled her eyebrows, “You said it today, talking to Nina”. Now I knew this wasn’t right at all, and now being in the church parking lot I needed to sort this out ASAP. She continued “You were talking about Papa and his ‘killie f-bomb-poop expletive”. Aha! I was off the hook! I was still on track to being mother of the year. I had not produced a child who would need to gnaw on a bar of soap. My smart little bug had indeed been eavesdropping, however, she didn’t quite have the pronunciation down correctly. I waved hello to the other mom who had parked next to us and unstrapped Abi. Before I took her out of the car I looked her right in the eye and said “I’m very glad that you learned a new word today, but we are not going to be talking about Papas kidney function in church.” image

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Mommy Lesson 578:Dirty Little Secret

I have seen a variety of websites that allow people to post their biggest secrets anonymously. You go, post your secret for all the world to see, and no one knows it’s you! Sometimes it feels good to get something off your chest. The bigger the secret, the better it feels.

But, if no one knows that it’s your secret, then it’s still really a secret. If you’re going to share it then you should own it. It is after all, YOUR secret. So here goes….

Dear World,

I have a confession to make. It may horrify some and embarrass others but I have to get it out…

I don’t clean my bathtub. As a matter of fact, I haven’t cleaned my bathtub in over four years! Phew I feel so much better. Now before you go all Hallie Hygiene on me, you need to understand something. I don’t do it, because I hate it. There is NO comfortable way to clean your bathtub, you can’t crouch, you can’t kneel. If you just bend down to scrub it, by the time you’re done, you back is destroyed. It’s absolutely no fun. The other reason I don’t clean my bathtub? I just don’t want to. You know, it’s really not that bad though! Seriously, look at it…

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Cleanest bathtub around

Wow! You say, how is it that my bathtub can be SO clean without me ever cleaning it? Let me tell you my other dirty little secret. I make my kids do it! They’re two and four, absolutely old enough to get into the bathtub and scrub it for me. Why not? I feed them, clothe them, bathe them in their clean bathtub, they should give back to the family. Don’t believe me?

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My little helpers

I know what you’re thinking; “how could she have so much hatred for cleaning the bathtub that she makes her itty bitty kiddies do it” and “how can I make my kids do this”. In all honesty, they beg me to let them do it. Because for our family, “cleaning” the bathtub is really just a benefit that I reap for letting my children play with homemade bathtub paints! At least once a week I whip up a batch of bathtub paints and let my kids go wild, smearing it all over the bathtub, creating, playing and enjoying. When they’re finished all it takes is a quick spray with the shower and the bathtub and little Picasso’s are squeaky clean.

I have included for you the two recipes that we like to use. It takes less than 5 minutes to whip up a batch of this colorful fun and roughly that to wash it all down the drain when their done. What if you don’t have children, you ask? Well, just borrow some, they’ll have so much fun they will come back begging to clean your bathtub for you!

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Ingredients for bathtub paint

Bathtub Paint 1:
4:1 ratio of tear free baby shampoo to corn starch
(If you use 1 cup of baby shampoo, you would use 1/4 cup corn starch)
Food coloring
Mix shampoo, corn starch and food coloring together
Add water to achieve the consistency you like
Have fun

Bathtub Paint 2:
Shaving cream
Food coloring
Mix shaving cream with food coloring (may thin with water, if you want)
Have fun

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Shaving cream bathtub paint

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